The Mood Pendulum and the Theory of Relativity

(This document is marked as work in progress (W.I.P.) and is a draft version 0.1)
The thing about mood swings is that we men do not have the same biological frame of reference of those of women and hence, we fail to hold any empathy to what they’re going through.

Okay, we might be able to get it that it’s one of the days when nothing’s going right for you girls. But often have we not tried and though failed every time to try in to please you pretty girls? It’s not that we’re indifferent in any way – it’s just that, what’s the point? No matter what we do, we get it wrong. And to top it up, either our efforts go unnoticed or we get condemned to the depths of frustration with the acrid sarcastic feedback that they (our efforts) aren’t enough.

I am sure than many resourceful and geniuses have spent quite of their time on trying to work out a plan around the swings. I’ve tried to capture quantative as well as qualitative data of many of my good friends to try and find the dimmest glimmer of hope of finding a predictable pattern in the realms of mood swings. But even after days, weeks and months of observation I’ve gained no ground. Not on any two days have any two moods been repeated in the same manner than before. And there is absolutely no defined time-interval indicating the next mood swing. Nor have I been able to notice any sociological, facial or body language change which would indicating us men that the next mood swing is in progress. In fact, the mood swings have happened over such short intervals that I’m not even sure I can even measure the time period.

When Einstein came up with the theory of general relativity, and predicted that nothing can move faster than the speed of light, I’m sure he hadn’t considered the moods of a lady. To quote an illustration from theory of relativity, Einstein said that in our world where everything has a speed lesser than that of light we have the cause and effect. This means that one has to shoot a gun before the bird dies. This is what happens in our 'normal' world. He speculated though in a world in a parallel universe where there are things moving faster than the speed of light there would be an effect and then a cause, which considering our previous example would mean the bird would die before the gun is fired – or in other words, the gun was fired because the bird died. Now over many years of experience of co-existing with the fair members of homo-sapiens, I’ve noticed many a times that the Effect almost invariably precedes the cause! Something happens first and you get blamed for it. So much for parallel universe and theory of relativity.

While I mull more over the thought (and I should be because it is believed that anything which does not verify the theory of relativity is wrong), I may be able to apply theory of relativity over our little problem if I make certain assumptions and approximations and consider certain paradoxes – but the only conclusion I’ve been able to come to is that either the theory of relativity has an exception (which is a dreadful thought) unless we consider the metaphorical reference to our medieval literature and assume that a woman holds a universe in herself. This will explain the effect and cause scenario and if we consider the individuality or every woman to be different, it may even explain the unique ‘mood swingness’ among women. It does have some certain flaws like the existence of a universe within a universe and other non-trivial singularities. Otherwise, another assumption can be made that women are aliens who’ve come from a parallel universe whose space-time continuum is entirely different from ours and the observations made in one universe do not hold any consequential relevance in the other. This may even explain the fact, that why we men are never been able to understand women. But it may also indicate that we men are under attack by aliens from other universe wanting world domination and us surrendering into complete slavery with no freedom of action or thought.
(I am also trying to come up with a nomenclature to identify the universe within a lady. The conventional method of identifying a lady and communicating within other fellow men for further observation is something like “36-26-36-red skimpy dress-located 9 O’clock”. Most of the men can easily aware of these universal conventions. Women on the other hand, do not bother yourselves with it please. Like I earlier said, any observations made in our universe are of non consequential relevance in your universe and any attempt to comprehend it will lead you to interpret out intentions with disastrously wrong results! )

Being low on resources and of limited social acceptance in the world of our friends from the ‘other universe’, my research has to go a long way. It is but very imperitive though that this crucial work must continue for the sake of happiness of ‘mankind’. Because as of now, irrespective of whether we’re the ones incapable of understanding them or they failing to realize that we don’t ‘get it’, we men, are always the victims. So much for Gender equality!!