Thursday, April 20, 2006

I Walk Alone

It was the very night. I had my love on one side and the rest of the world on the other. The song was perfect – “Coming Back to Life” by Pink Floyd. The lyrics pounding in my head, my life a complete mess and the only love of my life sitting right next to me. From the feel of it, this looks like a total romantic mushy blog entry. But it isn’t. Because at that very moment, I decided to let her go and choose the world instead.

What? Few exclaimed, some shrugged their shoulders but mostly they mocked. I had become the jester and the joke itself. Should I be really bothered, I don’t know. Maybe I can bring in another of the Floyd’s and say that I was "comfortably numb”. No, life wasn’t moving that fast. Rather, it was not moving at all. It had come to a stand still and still everything was a blur. Who ditched whom or who was dumped wasn’t the question. But the answer was – My love life had ended there. Or was it that I chose another – I don’t know and I’m sure I won’t be able to figure that out for many years to come. But I guessed I had to do it. People say they’d “do ANYTHING for love” and that’s exactly what I didn’t want to do. In fact, I don’t want to do anything except just sit there and let life catch up with me? Where have all my friends gone? Most of them with their girlfriends or wives. I don’t blame them. I have always been “Hat ke (Translated: Different).” Does being different mean being a fool? Maybe, in this world where everybody competes to prove superiority I stand apart. “Just six feet from the edge”… And I am still not thinking.

I had figured out quite well and definitely long back that what might have driven GnR to write “I used to love her”, what made Ramones and then later Metallica sing “Die Die My Darling”. I could never figure out U2 singing “With or without you”. I know now what they meant. Guess, today’s my lucky day… or that’s what I feel. From today “… I walk alone” in “the boulevard of broken dreams”.

“… Guess this is my happy ending.” Posted by Picasa

Monday, April 10, 2006

Quarter Life Crisis

Being a twenty-something

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at wat ur studyin or ur job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone! but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you are scared just to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

Its called "Quarter-life Crisis." nothing is constant......except change.
what's life without a few risks? keep playing the game!