Thursday, May 29, 2008

Frantic Dilemma

“To acquire balance means to achieve that happy medium between the minimum and the maximum that represents your optimum. The minimum is the least you can get by with. The maximum is the most you're capable of. The optimum is the amount or degree of anything that is most favorable toward the ends you desire.” -- Nido Qubein.

But how do I know what’s my maximum? Do I have to push down myself to the limit until I break down to realize my potential? What if I cannot get up again? Or even if I do strive out to find my best, what if it’s not good enough? How can I just pull out at the last moment when I’m going full-speed and can’t stop myself from crashing? Is staying in my cocoon and being safe is better or risking out everything my only chance?

People I’ve heard talking out about balancing life and work are the usual out-of-the-mill types. Though they’ve done better than their peers and risen in rank, it’s mostly just because they’ve done more than others around them to make them stand out. Well, at this point you might be thinking isn’t this blog about ‘balancing’ the whole crap and not hitting either extremes. Well, it’s not! Or maybe it is, for me whose life seems to be about hitting extremes of late. There are those bursts of energy in me which keeps me from collapsing even when I know I’ve burnt all the fuel and now I’m running on reserves. Do I wait until I burn it all or wait to catch my breath? Wouldn’t life by then have moved farther away and all the work done by me to catch up with it is all futile? And from where do I gather the force to decelerate myself at this speed? It’s like riding a bike full speed, downhill and realizing you don’t have brakes on. Do I jump off and be content with couple of bruises than being a total wreck, or do I cling onto it hoping to be able to steer and control even at speeds I’ve never been on before? What if an angel is watching over me and I might get away with it safely? What if there’s not? Is it my destiny to see to it till the end or to crash and burn and never get up?

Why I fret so much about it when I can lead a normal, day-to-day life like everyone else? Well, you’ve answered it yourself. I’m not your regular just another kid on the block. Most of us have a vision and are the hunger to achieve it. Let’s just say that right now my vision is to have a vision and my hunger for its fulfillment is insatiable.

Whether the attitudes that I have are parasitic or symbiotic, I still have to figure out and it’s still a long way downhill with lots of time before I decide to bail out.

yours truly,
A messed-up mind

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