Monday, January 12, 2009

What's with the vampires?

I wonder if the Vampires ever considered using Sun screen lotions with SPF 30+ which blocks harmful UV rays, both UV-A and UV-B? Or is it just incorrect advertisement on the part of Cosmetic manufacturers. In fact, here's an idea for a Sun Protection product - "A lotion so effective that even Vampires use it"! And then they could have Endorsements from Vampires like, Edward Cullen, "I first started using this amazing Sun Screen lotion when I got it as a birthday present on my 40th Birthday...

The Lycans can also endorse the product saying that how soft and silky their fur has become in just seven days that it glows in the moon.

And then the commercial could end with an Offer like "... first 500 hundred callers will also get a free pair of anti- Radiation Sun-glasses from Ray-Ban. Beware of Imitators - It could be hazardous to your er, health"

Of course, Blade won't profit from such commercials since he's already a "Daywalker". 

Hasn't the world already has enough theories about mythological creatures like vampires and werewolves that we need authors to come up with new ones every now and then? I mean if I am to be an Avid follower of the Vampire's coven and lover of Dark literature - How do I know which theory to follow. They don't really have an “All you need to know about Vampires” Encyclopedia, and since the volturi clan is being so secretive about protecting the secret, I doubt they would list a visiting centre's address in the phone book.

Like recently I was reading the Twilight saga and here it is - A brand new theory about Vampires. According to author Stephenie Meyer: "Vampires in the Twilight series, possesses superhuman beauty, strength, speed, endurance, and agility. Their scent and voice are enormously seductive"
So much is common with all other vampires from other books. But instead of being burnt in the Sunlight the Vampires here shine like Diamonds when exposed to it. They have Bullet proof skin and they're immune to Silver, Holy Water and don't shrink at the sight of a Cross.

So how do you kill them (Twilight series Vampires)? 
The only sure way of doing it is by tearing them into pieces and burning every part of theirs. Which essentially can be done by other fellow creatures, children of the moon a.k.a. werewolves and shape shifting wolves, since humans don't have the strength nor the tools to do it. (Yet, Edward Cullen was able to inject himself with a syringe and take out some of his venom and pump Bella with it). Interesting.

So much for Blade coming around and slicing and dicing them with his impressively sharp sword, silver stakes and ammunition made out of silver nitrate or which emits UV light upon impact. In fact, this puts the very existence of blade in question - Blade is Half human, Half Vampire. But so is Bella Swan's daughter from the book The New Moon. And they're entirely different.

And what's with the Silver nitrate? I mean of all available salts of silver why silver Nitrate always? Why can't we use Silver Oxide instead? The bullets will be virtually maintenance free.

Then the question comes about UV light. Well Sun isn't the only source of UV light - Half of the vampires would be dead the moment they step into a Night club (And they love to visit night clubs). Neon lights and fluorescent tubes are supposed to have the same luminosity as Sun light and it they aren't already cringing away from all the sign boards on the streets, is it Vitamin D then to which they're fatally allergic to?

And how does this Vampire Venom/virus work exactly especially on the physically beautifying part? Every Vampire turns out to be Attractive as hell. Imagine them coming up with another Commercial like "New Anti-ageing treatment - You just don't look young, you stay young!
Or maybe like "No matter who your parents were and how ugly you were in high School, with this new improved Vampire Formula you'll dazzle in the Sun - literally!!"

So if I am fat and balding, being bitten by a Vampire gives me a well toned body and good long hair? Which again raises the question - Do Vampires need a hair cut?

I still feel sorry for Blade...


Ratnesh said...

Nice one man, first time have read till end, MAST HAI......

Ratnesh said...

Nice one man, first time I have read a blog till end... MAST HAI